Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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