I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize