and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize