there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
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Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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