Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
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No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
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Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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