yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
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On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
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Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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