Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
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I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
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And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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