he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
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he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
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Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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