somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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