tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
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then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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