Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
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I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
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just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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