Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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