i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
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He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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