i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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