Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
pop tarts are not kleenex
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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