Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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