So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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