We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
These tits shall not be calmed
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