You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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