walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
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he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
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And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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