i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
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Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
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He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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