I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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