so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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