I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
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