fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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