We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize