You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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