flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
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they call him Oral-B. enough said
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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