A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
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Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
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"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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