i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
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I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
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I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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