At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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