tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize