i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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