closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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