I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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