We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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