is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
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fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
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I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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