my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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