Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
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You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
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But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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