he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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