Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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