yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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