i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize