Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My dick has a subreddit
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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