I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize