she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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