I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize