I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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