Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
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just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
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Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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