I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize